"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen"
Hebrews 11:1
It is really easy to be faithful when things go okay and they go according to what we have planned before. What would happen if our plans don't worked out really well? What if our plans for everything ruined and we can only watch them and do nothing to fix them?
Will you be faithful?
Will you be able to keep your hope in its place?
The thing is, faith doesn’t work really well and we don’t really need faith when everything is in their place. Faith works when everything is not in their place, faith works when we can’t depend on ourselves. We need faith when we don’t see what will happen in our life. We need faith when we surrender all we have and all we want to the hands of God.
I have these plans that I have prepared for years, plans for my future, what I will be, where I will be, who I will be, what life I will live. Everything seems alright, goes accordingly until lately beginning of this year I found out that most of them will not happen anymore (well, based on my sight, they all are not happening).
I have this habit of making a yearly goal setting on new year eve, what I want to fix, what I want to achieve, what I want to do in that particular year so I know where am I going in that year. This year, the brand new 2011, I didn’t do my goal setting on New Year eve. Although I know what I want, what I want to be, and what I want to do, I also know that I can’t have them.
Now, I don’t really know what’s happening in my own life. I don’t know where I am walking to. I can’t even make my plans for 3 months later. I’m afraid of purchasing anything knowing the fact that I might not be able to stay here longer than 4 months.
Upset? Yes.
Disappointed? Yes.
Stressed? Yes.
Depressed? Yes.
Hopeless? NO.
Although I know most likely that I will have to go back to Indonesia against my will, there is a small tiny chance that I might be able to stay in Australia. I remember, there was once I read a comic book about this tiny girl who is really optimistic in chasing over her dream to be a ballerina with her very limited skills. In the comic book she states this “Even though I know my chance of failing this audition is 99%, I will never quit trying, because if I quit, that means I am wasting my 1% of my chance that I might succeed.”
I am a firm believer of faith with no actions is empty. So here I am, picking up every piece of my shattered hope and dreams. Putting them back again with my faith and surrender them into the hands of God. Yet also I’m trying my best to find every possibility that I can have and do my best to get to my goals. If at the end I still couldn’t get what I want then it is very obvious that what I want is not what God wants. So I will keep my head up, and know that I’ve done my part. At least I tried.
ora et labora
